Hey y’all, I hope everyone had a good week and weekend. I’ve been busy tying up loose ends here and there while lining up potential interviews with some of my favorite artists.
This blog is going to be a little different… It’s not music related, of course there are some songs that come to mind regarding this blog but I’m not going to discuss em. However I’m going to do something I rarely do. I’m going to bare my soul and let y’all into my personal life.
I know I’ve been open about my beliefs and opinions on some things and I know that I’ve been private about some things, since this matter is going to come out in the public then it’s best I go ahead and address it. Everyone reading this will have their own thoughts and opinions on my decisions, that’s normal. I wouldn’t blame you one bit for having something to say whether it be good or bad. However, if any questions come to your mind, please feel free to private message me on my fan page or my personal Facebook page or even text me if you have my number. Also, before I get started, this is a very hard thing for me to write about. As I’ve said before some areas in my life I’m very private, very tender hearted. So note this is very emotional for me, if you’re a believer of God you better grab some tissues. Here we go…
I’m 29 years old and I’ll be the first to admit I’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life. A lot of things that should’ve prohibited me from sitting here writing. In the recent months, I’ve slowed down my nightlife and focused on things that are more important. I haven’t been out partying, burning up the bar tabs like I used to, waking up with hangovers or nothing of that nature. I’d have a glass of wine here and there at the house after a long day. I had been focusing on getting closer to God. Some of y’all might find it hard to believe that I asked God to come into my life September 5, 1999 and publicly showed my decision on September 19,1999 when I was baptized. Sure I got off track and backslid but hasn’t everyone, we’re not perfect.
Here and there in the past couple of months, I’ve been really focusing more on a closer relationship with God. He is bigger than all the problems we face everyday but unfortunately it hadn’t fully sunk in quite yet to me and in my hard head… I won’t go into detail on here but like I said before if you have any questions please contact me and I will answer almost any question you have. This past Saturday night I was arrested and went to jail for the first time in my entire life. Being my age you think you’d be able to handle the fact you’re handcuffed and in the back of a police vehicle but let me tell you something, I don’t care how old you are when you’re in that position, you want your mom. Every emotion one could feel, I was feeling it, but the one that stuck out the most was being ashamed.
I don’t recommend anyone going to jail; it’s filthy, scary, you’re treated like you’ve just committed first degree murder and you feel really claustrophobic. What’s even more humiliating is having to change from the comfort of your own clothes to jail clothes and then reality hits. It’s a really bad feeling. I wouldn’t wish what I seen or went through on anyone.
I had a lot of time to think about the situation I was in. Lord, I thought about everything. My son, my mom and dad, my little brother when he was arrested a couple of years back, the decisions I had made. You have your thoughts and that’s it. No one to talk to, sure I had cell mates but when I found out one of my cellmates was in there for manslaughter my Lord I almost lost it. No internet, no Facebook, no phone. NOTHING. Before I was walked to my cell in the women’s corner of the jail, I was in a huge area by myself. I huddled in the corner and cried and then prayed. Then I thought about everything imaginable. I thought about all the things I had done in my life and about everyone in my life. And it dawned on me, this was God’s way of showing me if I didn’t change my life then I would continue to travel down a path I didn’t want to be on. I believe God has ways of getting our attention, after my friend died in November that’s when I really started thinking about where I wanted to be in life and I started leaning toward God and His way. He had my attention and was working on me. Then here I was making a stupid decision and there was God getting my attention. He did, He had my full attention and I was listening. At four something in the morning as I’m sobbing and praying I asked God to forgive me of my shortcomings and I gave Him my life back like I had done back in ’99 to take over and to lead me to be closer to Him.
Six long hours later I was released to my Aunt Marilyn who then took me to my mom and son. I did a lot of crying like I’m doing right now as I write this to tell you my story. I cried when I seen Aunt Marilyn and I cried again when I seen my mom and son. I cried when I got home and my sister was waiting on me and had no clue where I had been nor knew the extent of what I had been through til I sat down with her and poured it all out. I still have a long road ahead of me until I get out of this mess I got myself into but lesson learned. God is a great teacher and someone we should all be close to. Of course now instead of facing problems on my own, I know that He will help me through whatever I face and I will not be alone.
All my friends and family that have spoke kind and encouraging words to me, thank you. You’ll never know what it means to me and you’ll never know how much they’ve helped me along with God’s kind hand. I love you all and wouldn’t know what to do without y’all. Until next time, bye y’all.